i feel like cold red watermelon on a 97 degree saint louis summer day

hi!

there are a few things i would like to discuss in my journal, so i am going to list them in bulletpoints so that i dont forget. here they are:

1.) The AllStars- "Do What You Do", the video
2.) I love women.
3.) Family life.

*****

1.) Last night my sister called me into her room to look at something on the television. Not Family Guy, not Aqua Teen Hunger Force, hell- not even Fresh Prince (dont act like yall dont stay up and watch Nick at Nite! moving along...) anyway, it was BET UnCUT and the video playing was St. Louis' own, The AllStars. Now, the fact that im probably giving them publicity just from this journal is okay with me because i need to get this off my chest. i support the hell out of local music! i play the shit on my radio show at school, im always speaking highly of the musicians i know, i mean- im no Russell Simmons, but shit- i try to show love when i can right? So let me ask you this, im watching the video and i honestly felt like they were trying to outdo Nelly's TipDrill video. now, i could go into the whole women and gender analysis of how the video was problematic and what it promotes/glamorizes/names as acceptable, etc... but im not. all im gonna say is, when your 4 minute video shows more of nipples and asscheeks than it does of your ACTUAL TALENT- what the hell do i look like reppin hard for you? a damn fool. im learning i need to watch who i show love to.

2.) I love women. I really do. I was talking to my lovely friend Cass and we were talking about the idea of romantic friendships between women. I'm learning that there are certain things that men just cant and wont give me (or other women period) and thats ok, because i've realized that I (we) dont need them to survive. I love that I can hold my women friends hands, kiss them, call and check up on them many times throughout the day, laugh/cry/hug/hold and just love on them without them thinking that i'm trying to sex them down. There is a genuine among women that i'm recognizing and falling in love with everyday. Because of the male ego and the fucked world up of gender, in most cases i cant call up my guy friends and see if they wanna hang out or hold their hands without them thinking that im trying to holla, because TRUST- Charise is very happy. I love my Teflahn- dont ever get it twisted. But you know, its interesting because it took me to start growing up a little bit to realize that, though I cant get that love from men- I get ten times as much from women and thats what matters because they are the ones that build me up, that care enough to listen, that return my phone calls, and just love me for no damn reason. i love it and i love them and i love that im learning that. i think once women get past the need for male validation, we become A LOT happier.

3.) Great. Second death in my family in three weeks. WOW! My aunt Bernice's funeral is tomorrow (technically- today at 11am). But check this out, I have family coming in from California/Alabama/Louisiana/Mississippi, etc... but my own mother was complaining about not going to the funeral because she had other plans. What the hell? Even my boyfriend was like, "damn- thats out of line!". what kind of house am i living in? when i tell people my family is crazy, trust that i am not exaggerating. more importantly, my father and i got into a HUGE argument on this past Sunday that ended in him cursing me out (literally), just flat out disrespecting and belitting me as a person. the father-daughter dynamic wasnt present. he had a vendetta out for somebody, and i was just at the wrong place at the right time. anyway, why does this man think we are cool? when he finished ranting i looked him in his eyes and told him verbatim- "After this conversation, I dont have anything else to say to you and you dont have anything else to say to me. Flat out." Well, clearly he has selective amnesia because apparently i never said any of those things to him. people never cease to amaze me... ever. this funeral tomorrow should be interesting. lesson i've learned from the past funerals and wakes- dont wear eye make up.

anyhoo...
enough of all that. whew! if i was talking i'd be out of breath. im gonna go to sleep. im about to enjoy a lovely southern breakfast in the morning and im gonna feast like a weedhead at a buffet. today was a very good day. tef and i went grocery shopping for the first time today- that was interesting to say the least. its interesting how you make room for veggie soy food and pounds of Tyson chicken in the same cart and refrigerator. i finally got my hands on the SoulTyde album and im in heaven. i mean- im so mad i slept on it for this long. oh well... thats another long, LONG story.

good night to everyone reading this, i hope you get some sleep tonight.

-rise